She's just not man enough to . . .

Have you ever wondered about weird phrases. We say them all the time. We hear them all the time. I probably wouldn't even thing anything about it, but my girls are constantly, "Where the hell did that come from?"

I don't know. It just happened. So today, I was thinking to myself about my last boss (and that is what this post is really about) and how after almost 5 years I still am so hurt by how things ended. I should be totally over it by now.

I thought at first I was so hurt because I am just never fired or "let go". The only two jobs I've ever been forced to leave involved a boss I said no to and someone else didn't and a company that was bought out from under me and shut down --everyone got let go.

I have always been promoted, given progress work loads, and usually assigned new duties I wasn't even aware I could do. I just could not accept that I was laid off while others remained. At least that is what I've been telling myself.

But Steve and I were talking about it last week and I came back to my old boss, Leann. Steve knew her two, he did several jobs for her over the years before I got laid off. The thing that always bothered me the most as that she took a no-advance warning vacation the day before her boss came in and laid me off.

After 5 years of setting up and managing the new design, layout, and proofing departments of their starter company.

After average 80 hour weeks.

After bouncing my department from 3 or 4 employees to 20 employees, to back to 3 or 4. Several times.

After Leann told me just the week before not to worry about my job, I was safe.

After I was 4 months into a high-risk pregnancy.


Finally I had to admit I was hurt by Leanne's actions. Everyone swears, to this day, that she had no idea. Bullshit. Leanne was not a spur of the moment vacation person. They were planned and talked about months in advance. She left because "she wasn't man enough" to look me in the face and lay me off.

Oddly, once I accepted that, I begin to let go.