Other names for, lets say a "carrot"

Back when I was REALLY getting into writing, I was writing for the sole purpose of getting published. The easiest market to break into is romance. Within the romance genera they were desperately seeking erotic writers. It would seem writing steamy sex scenes makes some writers uncomfortable.

I find that pretty funny. They can write in detail about killing, abusing, rape, etc., but they can't write about consensual sexual relations between a man and woman. Regardless, I get side tracked.

When you are writing about sex a lot, and in great detail, you get tired of calling . . . lets say a carrot a carrot 100 times in a roll. So, as recommended, I started a journal. You are encouraged to read the same type of genera as you are writing. So every time I was reading an erotic romance and come across a scene where a body part was mentioned, I would jot down the alternative verbiage in my journal.

So my journal was separated by tags for male and female, then by body parts within each. I did find it useful in my writing. But of coarse, the girls found it and freaked out. They were both in high school at the time and the idea of their mom even thinking about male or female body parts seemed to freak them out. I told them what is was for and encouraged them to add alternative verbiage they might be aware of.

Tori left the room like I might be contagious. But Bonnet hooked her momma up.

Years after my last attempt to write, I came across the journal and after a good laugh I threw it away. The only thing the erotic writing experience left me with was an uncomfortable memory of Lew proofing some of my writing and an enjoyment of reading erotic novels.

So when I signed up to write a novel in the month of November, you know it was going to be an erotic novel. Now I wish I had my list. On the off chance times had changed, I did a search on the Internet for alternative names for carrots and hit the jackpot. Well, the jackpot if you need a good laugh. Not so useful for what I really needed.

So my good deed today, is to share a funny with those of you that end up here looking for an alternative name for a "carrot".

Partial list from http://justnet.com.au/rudestuff/

blue-veined junket pumper, ding dong, dipstick, dork, doughnut holder, firm worm, free willy, goober, hairy bagpipes, hang down, John Thomas, joy stick, knob, meat, meat whistle, organic dildo, ol' one-eye, one-eyed trouser snake, percy, piece of pork, pink oboe, pole, pork sword, salty dog, skin flute, spunk stick, throbber, tool, trouser trout, wife's best friend.

I left out the less-imaginative listings.

Now I dare you to not think about this list the next time you are looking at a carrot; be it your own or someone else's.

ADDED A FEW DAYS LATER

Alternative words for Kitties

Today, during my writing, I came across another episode where I could have used a naughty thesaurus. Since my last search for information of this nature was so successful, I thought I'd waste some of my day and see what useless list I could find to share with you.

So, in the act of fair-play; here is a partial list I took from the Cunning Linguist at http://www.vaginalady.com/words/words.htm.

Afro clam, baby cave, badger, bear trap, bearded clam, beaver, beef curtains, Bermuda triangle, bikini burger, bread-box, cat, cherry pie, coochie, cooter, dew-flaps, flesh tuxedo, joy box, kitten, mantrap, mossy cottage, muff, nether regions, nonny-no, poonani, poontang, quim, shaved kitty, silent beard, sugar basin, Venus flytrap, vertical smile, and hooha.

Once again, useless for my needs. Someone out there really needs to write up an erotic writers guide to body parts.