Grown Siblings; a new view

I moved out of my parents house when I was sixteen, actually, it was a few weeks before my sixteenth birthday. But close enough. My next two oldest siblings were out and on their own early as well. So I have a good twenty five years experience in dealing with grown siblings.

Both the girls father, and Steve, came from large families; so I've had plenty of experience watching the interactions of other grown siblings as well.

I thought I had seen it all; and understood it from all perspectives.

But that was before I had seen my girls interact as grown siblings. Now that I look back at my younger years, I recall lots of disagreements and bad times when the initial grown sibling relationship was evolving. They irritated me. They were whiny. They expected to much from me. After all, at that age it was all about . . .

Yep, you guessed. It was all about ME.
Of coarse, looking back, it was all about them too . . . I just couldn't appreciate it at the time. It was only as we all grew older and wiser that we began to appreciate each other. We also began to have a better understanding of when to REALLY ask for something from one another.

Now, I'm getting a refresher course. And it's more painful as the parent of said siblings. I can see both points of views. I can agree, to a degree, with both of them. And most of all, there isn't a damn thing I can do for either of them.

The Story

First, the back story. Bonnet has lived in CO near her father for almost a year now. We have only seen her once, when her dad flew her down for Christmas last winter. She's been missing home and wanting to come visit badly, but can't afford the trip.

Tori went to spent the summer in CO. Her dad flew down and drove up with her so she could take her car and dog. The first week of July, Tori's boyfriend is flying to CO. He'll stay a week to visit and then they are driving home in Tori's car.

So . . .

Last Wednesday I get a call from Bonnet telling me she is riding home with Tori when she comes home. So she'll be here around the 7th or 8th. I told her I'd be happy to see her and she was more than welcome. And I meant it.

That night, I get a total of five texts from Tori and she is UPSET. Apparently, Bonnet didn't even ask Tori if she could ride back with her. Tori has a smallish car and with her, her boyfriend, her very large dog, and Bonnet it will be VERY cramped. Not only that, but Bonnet is a smoker. She will need to stop every few hours to smoke and even if she doesn't do it in the car, she will still stink up the car. (You non-smokers can appreciate this.)

Tori is also upset because her and her boyfriend were going to stop in and see some of his family and now they have an extra and unexpected guest with them. Plus, Bonnet can be down right rude when the mood takes her . . . and several hours in the cramped back seat of a car with a large dog and no smoke breaks would equate one long trip of bad mood. I can agree with most of what Tori was saying. I didn't tell her to UNinvite Bonnet, but I agreed it probably wasn't going to be a fun trip and Bonnet should have asked. And I meant it.

The next day I get a call from Bonnet. She's not coming. According to her, Tori is being a complete butt head about the entire thing. Tori even offered to pay the airfare for Bonnet to fly to Austin so she wouldn't have to ride with her. Bonnet said if Tori didn't want her along that bad, she didn't feel right driving down with her. And I agreed.

What I didn't really say was that Bonnet should have asked. She should have offered to help pay for gas or something. She should have told Tori how much she needed to come home.

What I didn't say was that Tori should have been a little more understanding. It's her car, so she could have set guidelines. Talked to Bonnet about what she didn't want to happen during their trip.

All I could think about was that I'd give Steve's left nut (sorry babe, but I don't have any to offer) to fight with Becky again over something so insignificant in the big picture. How wonderful it would be to take one last road trip together.