An Alligator is an Alligator, is an Alligator

My brother and I had a conversation about our mother today. I was surprised to find that we share the same opinion about her. Other family members have completely cut our mother out of their lives. Make no mistake, they all definitely have reason for their actions and I would be the last person to deny they do.

Even my brother and I no longer feel the connection of "parent" in regard to her. She feels more like the older aunt you never really knew that well. She is still family; just not someone we feel close to. Definitely not someone we would trust with the welfare of our children.

However, we both agree that anyone expecting her to change and or feel genuine quilt over past wrong doings is out of luck. I started to say anyone who expected the wolf to turn into a lamb would be out of luck. But I realized our mother is much more ferocious and scary than a wolf (and I like Wolves). So, if they are expecting the old Alligator to turn into anything more approachable; they are doomed to be disappointed. Well, they could wait until she dies and rewrite history to suit themselves. That would be sort of like making boots out of her old hide. Works for me.

The issue here is that our mother is not normal; never was, never will be. In fact, the older she gets the more pronounced her illnesses become. She suffers from the following documented illnesses:

Schizophrenia: One of the most important kinds of impairment caused by schizophrenia involves the person's thought processes. The individual can lose much of the ability to rationally evaluate his surroundings and interactions with others. There can be hallucinations and delusions, which reflect distortions in the perception and interpretation of reality. The resulting behaviors may seem bizarre to the casual observer, even though they may be consistent with the schizophrenic's abnormal perceptions and beliefs.

Bipolar Disorder: During severe manic or depressed episodes, some people with bipolar disorder may have symptoms that overwhelm their ability to deal with everyday life, and even reality. This inability to distinguish reality from unreality results in psychotic symptoms such as hearing voices, paranoia, visual hallucinations, and false beliefs of special powers or identity.

Multiple Personality Disorder: The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self). At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person's behavior. Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

Yes, I'm sure at this point you are feeling a little sorry for us. Hey, she didn't kill a child that I know of, and I am the eldest. She didn't set us on fire. She didn't run over us with her car (although I remember a few close calls). She didn't sell us for drug money. All in all, I think we got off damn lucky.

No, we don't have to participate in her life. No, we don't have to feel guilty about pulling back and protecting ourselves and our families from a known threat. Hell, we don't even have to send birthday cards or call her once a year. But I see no real advantage to maintaining a grudge against someone who could care less.

After all, an alligator is an alligator, is an alligator.