Printer Hell for the Un-Initiated

Dad upgraded Dona's desktop computer recently and did me the very great honor of swapping out my older and slower desktop for the 2 year old one she'd outgrown.

This baby is amazing; it has a duel processor so the speed is awe inspiring, it has twice the memory and hard drive my old machine had. I love it. I love it even more because it come with a small compact keyboard and I splurged and bought me a new trackball-type mouse. I'm pretty much in geek heaven.

Except . . .

Any time you upgrade your computer you run into issues. The first, and most common, is usually software. My old computer had a copy of MS Office 97 on it. Yeah, laugh it up. But I loved my MS Office and haven't been able to upgrade. I tried to make Works, which came with the machine, do the same things I'm use to doing in Word. It didn't work. My brother pointed me towards a free "Office" suite online and I downloaded it. It didn't work.

I'm not saying that 99 our of 100 people would not have been just as happy with either of the other two programs. But as someone who knows Word and has used it to the extent I have . . . they don't even come close.

So after several frustrating days trying to compensate for the software change, I managed to get a copy of Office 07 for FREE from a company that switched products. I installed it and drooled over it a little this afternoon. Software wise, I only have five other soft wares to install, but at least I own them all.

But the real, and ongoing issue, has been access to my commercial printers. Besides a little HP Designjet, used mainly for personal use, I have two commercial grade printers. Both large printers use parallel ports; which apparently are no longer added to computers.

Yep, I got my fancy new machine home and started plugging things in and it was a major case of the "what the f_ _ _ _!"

Now, my old machine only had one parallel port and I have two printers that need access, so I have a Data Switch. Both printers plug into it and it plugs into the computer; then I just switch from A to B depending on which printer I want to send to. Worked like a charm.

I study up on the Internet and find out they make parallel to USB cords. The most likely place to find one is Fry's, which is probably about 30 miles (one direction) from my house. Wednesday morning, Will and I head out to Fry's. We get there and walk around for about 45 minutes and there is NO ONE to help us. We finally find a printer Parallel to USB cord and buy it.

When we get home I run in to attach it and find that the end for the Parallel is odd and not shaped the way I need it to be at all. Apparently, the end of the parallel cord that attached to the printer is different (sort of a solid piece) than the piece that attaches to the computer (has 25 pins sticking out).

I'm out $15, a 60+ round trip, gas, and a good 2-1/2 hours and I still don't have a fix. So that evening, I run to several closer stores to check for alternatives or connectors. Out another 1-1/2 hours and 30 miles, no luck.

The next morning I repack up the cable, find my receipt and Will and I drive back to Fry's. Only to realize I left the cable sitting on the table and there is still no help. But I find a connector that switches from a printer parallel end to a computer parallel end. As long as I have the cable at home still, this should work.

As soon as I get home I run in to try it only to realize that the printer end of the connector is the wrong sex. I need an "innie" and it's an "outtie".

I'm out another $6, another 60+ round trip, gas, and a good 2 hours and I still don't have a fix.

Dad calls me later and reminds me of the Goodwill computer store and the suggestion that maybe a different switch box might work.

So, this morning I pack up all my Fry goodies and head to the Goodwill store first. I find a switch box that has a printer parallel port to go to the computer. If I use this along with my printer parallel port to USB cord I was about to return to Fry's it should work.

I rush home and it all connects beautifully. The two printers connect to the new box, the new cable connects the box to the computer. Yeha! Only another $3, 50 miles round trip, and 1-1/2 hours.

When Will settles down to watch a movie I come in to set up my printers and realize it's not over until the fat printer sings.

My new computer has vista on it, which I have never used. It also doesn't have designated printer ports. Both of these things have been it impossible for me to install my two big printers. My small printer, which is installed via a USB . . . I didn't have to do anything. The computer recognized it and installed it on it's own. It can't even read the large printers through the switch box. I've installed the "a" printer in every single port option available; twice. I can't get a page to print.

I'm headed toward my fourth day of the new computer and I've spent $24 and a good 10 hours while sick with a head cold trying to install my printers so I can fill orders. Still no luck.