Breaking the Code

Starbucks and I have a unique relationship.

IN THE BEGINNING

For years I've managed to pretend they didn't exist and they were fine with that. I'm only an occasional coffee drinker these days. If I drink six cups of coffee a week it would surprise me, and it's always decaf.

My aversion to Starbucks, at first, had to do with price. $5 for a cup of coffee . . . really? (I'm about to show my age here, but it had to happen sooner or later.) I waited tables off and on for most of my twenties and I still remember selling a cup of coffee for forty nine cents. Even today, I can go to a dozen places and get free refills for hours (and tons of cream) for less than $2. And I never cared for those fancy coffees. Just give me a plain old coffee with something to make it sweet and some cream-like substance.

The few times I did grace the doorway of a Starbucks it was usually with co-workers. I found the menu so confusing that I usually just ordered whatever the last person had. As I've aged I've come to appreciate tastes more, the small nuances of roasted bean, the weight, the acidity.

THE MIDDLE

My friend, Charlene, took me to Starbucks a few months back and ordered me a carmel coffee drink that was OUT OF THIS world. I didn't begrudge paying $5 for it at all. The place was empty, so I didn't feel rushed or pressured. But as I've become more conscious of each calorie I consume, I've come to realize that what tasted like heaven was actually a concoction from hell. And while I enjoyed it very much - bad things always taste good - I also realized that the hidden nuances of the coffee were good on their own. So I've made a few additional trips to Starbucks over the last few months. Alone. By my self.

THE END

The first time I pulled up to the driveway - thinking, for some reason, that it would be less embarrassing to talk to a microphone than to a real person - I was once again overwhelmed by their menu.

Nothing was as it should be. There are no small, medium, or large. You can order a Short, Tall, Grande, or Venti. Then there are words like; Mocha, Latte, Machiato, Con Panna, Americano, Cappucino, Frapachino, etc. There are options on flavors - vanilla, carmel, cinnamon, dolce, and so on -, options on milk - non-fat, 2%, whole, soy -, and almost everything can come cold, as well as hot, and it doesn't always say.

No where on the damn menu does it actually say, "Coffee" or "Decaf".

After making the poor girl wait for several minutes while I wildly searched for 'coffee', I finally just told her what I really wanted.

"I just want a cup of decaf with some soy milk and artificial sweetener in it."

She gave me a drink I really enjoyed, that cost me $5. I went back a week later and said the same thing, only this time I left with an iced version that I didn't like nearly as much. And it still cost me $5 - which is a lot of money if you don't like what you leave with.

After discussing my failed attempt to remember what the girl had given me the first time, Steve reminded me it was a Latte.

So, tonight I drove up and ordered a "Grande Decaf Latte with Soy and two NutraSweets." I got what I wanted and enjoyed ever sip of it.

If you're having trouble cracking Starbucks code, you might want to check out this website I found after I figured out what I wanted: http://www.quicksilverweb.net/sbucks/sbcharts.htm