Sunday, November 29, 2009

I Want One of Those!



Every parents has heard it, and most more than once. The television is on, your child(ern) is planted in front of it, and a commercial comes on. Never turning their head, or acknowledging you in any way, they start pleading for the item being advertised.

Begging. Whining. Bargaining. Throwing a fit.

It's just part of being an parent, teaching our children that they don't need everything that is advertised. That what is advertised probably isn't even as much fun as it looks. By the time most children are as old as Will, nearly five, this is a lesson they have already learned.

The problem in our household is that we've never had cable. When Will watches TV it is movies we've purchased or are public network station that doesn't allow advertising. Steve does watch TV shows at night, but their nothing Will is interested in and they don't have advertisements geared toward children.

I hadn't given in much thought until today. We came in from lunch and I hit the computer. Steve went to chill in front of the TV and Will followed him. Steve is surfing the channels when I hear Will yell, "No. Go back, Papa."

"Will, that wasn't a show. It was an infomercial."

"No, Papa. Go back. I want to see. It was a commercial."

After much bickering back and forth, Steve returned to the infomercial. Every few minutes I would hear; "I want one, Papa." "Look, a kid is using it." "I said no Will." "Please, Papa." "Can I have one." "Will's a good boy." "No, Will."

I was laughing so hard I almost fell out of the chair. Oh, the circumstances were humorous, but the kicker was what the infomercial was for. A mop.

Not every child's fantasy present.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Lost in the 344 Acre Woods


No, this is not a story about Winnie the Pooh. He lived in the 100 acre woods. This is a story of a silly woman who took two young boys hiking in the middle of the day to a small park she's been to at least 10 times, and managed to get them all lost.

Mary Moore Seacrest Park is one of the least well known parks in our area of town. To access it, you actually turn off a major road, Slaughter, onto a hardly noticeable street between apartment complexes. Honestly, I had driven right by it HUNDREDS of times and never noticed the entrance until a friend told me about it.

Once you make the turn, you drive down this small road two or three miles to a parking lot. At the center of the park, there is a volley ball setup, bathrooms, playground, picnic areas, etc. On the weekends, they hold Frisbee games, football, and jousting on the open grass. It's fun to watch.

But what really draws people to the park is the wild area. There is a paved path that makes a circle; it's a little over 5 miles long. But criss-crossing the paved path are hundreds of small paths; some made by humans, others by animals. The woods are filled with trees so thick you can't see anyone more than 10-15 feet in front of you on the trails. There are gorges, dry river beds, a river, hills, rocks, and wild life. When you make it to the middle of the woods you can't even hear traffic or any sounds of civilization.

Most of my hikes through the park in the past have been with Steve, who has an amazing sense of direction. When we go as a family, we just let Will pick which ever way he wants to and when we're ready to head home Steve leads us out. No biggie.

This morning was beautiful. Steve was working and I didn't want to stay home, so Will and I picked up his friend and headed to the park for a walk. Our original plans were to walk for about half an hour then stop by the play area for the boys. I locked up the car and pocketed my keys. We didn't even take drinks, because we weren't going to be there that long.

As soon as we came to an intersection, Will choose which direction to go. Then Gabe. Then me. About thirty minutes into our walk I realized nothing looked familiar and we hadn't passed anyone in a while. Not to mention, I was pretty sure the last "path" we took was a deer trail.

About then we came upon the river again. In all our trips in the past, we stayed near the river, found a place to cross it and were home free. So we followed the river, but nothing looked familiar. I finally found a place to cross, but it wasn't a place we've ever used before. I was getting desperate though. The boys were thirsty and tired. Tripping over their own feet. Will wanted me to carry him. We'd been walking for at least an hour at this point.

I'd like to mention that until I got lost in the park, I had no idea how big it was. I though the park was about the size of Lew and Donas old place, around 40 acres. I kept expecting to walk up on someone or an area that looked familiar.

Right after crossing the river, we come upon a back of a line of houses. I thought they were the apartment complexes near the turn off. And even though that meant we were two miles from the car, as least we'd know where we were and where we are going. There was a 6 foot tall fence surrounding each building and butting into the last one. First, we tried to walk until the fence ended. Planning on going around them. But the last fence contained viscous dogs and both boys are almost sobbing at this point, so we turned back.

Then I tried the gates we passed back by, they were all locked. About the 10th gate we came to opened. We walked to the back door and knocked, no answer. The side gate allowing us out to the front was unlocked as well. When we stepped into the front I realized we were NOT at the apartment buildings. This was a subdivision I'd never seen before. We went to the front door and knocked. A very nice woman answered and I explained we'd come through the back gate and that we were lost.

I asked her where the park was, and she asked which park. She kindly offered to drive us back to our vehicle. We had basically walked the longest distance in the park and come out the other end, on FM 1626. To get us to our car, she had to drive up FM 1626, cross over on First Street -- go 4 miles, then turn up Slaughter, another mile, then the two miles down to the parking lot. The only other way to get there, go back through the woods.

We spent less than two hours lost in the woods. The boys never got upset. We weren't attacked or scared. Just tired and thirsty. But it was so mentally and physically exhausting I wasn't good for anything else all day.

I took the boys to eat, then Will and I came home. Where I spent the rest of the day curled up in bed with my heating pad.

Forty three, and this is the first time in my life I've been lost. It's not fun.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I'm Thankful

I am having one of the best Thanksgivings of my life, and it's the most unusual.

I've been very sick all week, so I've turned down all invitations to join family. Though simply being invited by so many loved one's has reaffirmed the feeling of family. This morning, Steve took Will and headed to his dad's for Thanksgiving.

I stayed home. I'm feeling better, much better. But I'm not much of a people person and December this year is going to overrun with people. On the fifth we're having a party for Will's fifth birthday, a ton of family is coming. On the eleventh, my dear cousin Lori is flying in to spend 4-5 days. I've very excited. Bonnet is flying home some time during the month for a week. And the end of the month we're having a family reunion in Dona and Lew's honour and all the Marquardts will be coming to visit. I'm hoping we'll have a day or two of them before we head to the coast for three days.

As you can see, my December is overfilled with people. I think even a people person would be a little concerned about it. Me, I'm terrified. Oh, not of any one person or occasion. Of all of them at the same time.

So I really needed today to chill. It was one get together that I could set aside without hurt feelings or lengthy explanations. I also needed the time to finish a few projects around the house that I'm having trouble finding non-Will time to do.

That beings said, here is how my Thanksgiving went . . .

I put on baggy shorts and a torn t-shirt as soon as the boys left. Turned the radio up loud on a country station. Removed two doors from their hinges and coated them with Kilz. Then I painted the inside of the linen cabinet. Then the doors. Then the linen cabinet. Then the doors. LOL

I took a break and drove over to Luby's to pick up lunch; liver and onions, hot rolls, pecan pie.

Finished up my painting, cleaned up my mess, and took the time to move my blog over - something I've been wanting to do for a while. Then soaked in a bubble bath; with candals lit.

Might not be your idea of a great day, but it was mine. At least this year.

It left me a lot of time to think of what I AM thankful for, and I came up with the following list:

  • I am thankful to have a husband that understands me -- or pretends to.
  • I am thankful to listen to country music loud -- and be glad I haven't cheated on my spouse, gone to prison, recently gotten drunk, or robbed a bank.
  • I am thankful to eat Liver and Onions without the sound of someone gagging near me.
  • I am thankful that so many of my family members called and tried to talk me into coming to visit this weekend; a good sign we're all recovering from our sisters loss.
  • I am thankful I caught a cold this week; God really does work in mysterious ways.

I hope today left you thankful as well.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Pap Smear for Christmas

What? It's not on your list? Mine, either.

Last night, Steve and I were watching CBS when this commercial comes on. A decent looking guy in his mid-thirties is sitting on a bar stool on a blank stage. He says . . .

"Want to give your woman a special gift this Christmas?"

And I actual drop my conversation to see what he thinks 'special' might be.

"Give her the gift of a pap smear."

What?

"Pap Smears save lives.
Give her the gift even Santa can't give."


I'm not sure who was more shocked, me or Steve.

I do know one thing, God have mercy on the man who buys his wife a pap smear for Christmas. I'm quite sure she won't.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

What Kind of Muffin Are You?



During a chat session the other night, a friend and I were discussing our changed views on what is attractive in men. In their twenties, women are really into the packaging.

In their forties, they are more interested in what's inside rather than outside. If a man is dependable, loyal, hardworking, kind, etc. As I put it to my friend, we are no longer interested in stud muffins, we're looking for bran muffins.

Over the next day or two, the idea of people (and personality traits) being assigned to muffins would just not go away. After some thought, I decided that I was probably a day-old banana-nut muffin. And here is why . . .

Banana = loving, gentle, soft, accepting
Nut = resilient, loyal, independent, crazy
Day old = past my prime

When I shared my mental muffin meandering with a friend over coffee today she couldn't decide upon a type of muffin that applied to her. She thought she might be a croissant, which according to her was flaky and filled with fat. I disagree, I think she'd be a boysenberry muffin.

I've taken the liberty of preparing a list of muffins and my perceived views on their personalities. Check them out and let me know what kind of muffin you are.

Pumpkin = cozy, welcoming, country, gentle
Corn = sentimental, traditional
Blueberry = popular, warm
Banana = carefree, loving, gentle, soft
Lemon Poppy seed = indecisive, loner
Nut = short tempered, resilient, loyal
Strawberry = passionate, bold
Carrot = sweet, normal, common
Chocolate Chip = party animal, upbeat, positive
Bran = loyal, dependable, solid
Apple = charming, enthusiastic
Orange = strong, centered, happy
zucchini/Squash = agreeable, blends easily
Boysenberry = fun, enthusiastic, bubbly

Feel free to send me back suggestions to add to the list.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Lori's coming to Visit!

I'm super excited. My favorite counsin is flying in from Omaha to spend four days with me in December. We haven't seen each other in almost 25 years.

We reconnected online right after my sisters death last year, in no small part due to this blog. I can't express how much we have in common. How are lives have managed to shadow each others in some ways, and go in totally opposite directions in others.

When we visit on line, we are always tying in the same comments at the same time. Telling the same jokes. Finishing each others comments.

It will be fun to see how we interact face to face.

This is the most exciting thing to happen to me since Will's birth. Life changing.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Living Lettuce

Okay, maybe I'm the last person in America to fine living lettuce so facinating. If my store has carried it in the past, I've never noticed. But last week, while grocery shopping, I found a container with the most beautiful lettuce I've ever seen.



It was called living lettuce because the roots of the plant were still attached. It was a little more expensive. But I found it cleaner and in better shape. I didn't have to throw away the outer leaves. The taste was wonderful. And the shelf life is phanomenal. A week later and it still looks as good as the day I bought it.

No smarky comments or life lessons, just a cool product I stumbled on to.

A Walt Disney Morning

I went for a walk this morning and found the day to perfect. It was in the high 50s; a little chilly in the shade but warm enough in the sun. A light breeze tossed the fall leaves around playfully and butterflies flittered about in wild abandonment.

No cars passed me on my trek through the neighborhood, but I was serenaided by the gentle twitter of birds.

I kept expecting to turn the corner and run into Bambi.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

And the finalists are . . .

Today I received an email from the Northeast Ohio Romance Writers Association. The entry I submitted in May -- which I had forgotten about -- was selected as one of the top three in the Paranormal category of the Cleveland Rocks Romance writing contest.

It will be sent, along with the entry of the other top three finalist, to a judge. The paranormal judge is Ethan Ellenberg from the Ellenberg Literary Agency.

She will review and assign positioning to the three entries. She will also provide a detailed critique on the first page of each entry. As she's an agent in the field I'm working, this is a free chance to have my work seen by her. To get my name out there. Her feedback will also be great for increasing the hookability of the first page, helping me snare an editor more easily.

I am quaranteed a place (1st, 2nd, or 3rd). Which I can list as an accomplishment for the book and my writing skills in the future. It's also not unheard of for a judge to request a partial or full book read from finalist.

Here's hoping, NOT. I've been a bad girl and haven't been writing lately. I don't have a completed book to send out. LOL

Paper Trails

I taught my pattern class at UT today. As usual, it took two days to prepare for it. I left the cutting and folding of paper until last . . . I always do.

For each student that attends, I hand out a set of instructions and a pattern package. The pattern package contains 2 sheets of 24-inch wide paper - around six feet long. Since I also sell the pattern packages online, I make up extra ones each time I prepare for class. I also take extra packages to class in case I have a student(s) that bring more than one garment to reproduce.

That being said, last night I had to cut 42 sheets of paper from a roll. A HUGE roll. My favorite brother-in-law gets the 24-inch rolls and brings them to me. The current one must way in at close to 50 pounds.

In the past, I've had to clean off the floor and roll the paper out, cut it with scissors, then roll it back the other direction. Just imagine how time consuming and painful doing that 42 times might be.

I've been pondering an easier way to handle the job all week. When Steve got home I discussed my solution with him and made a quick dash to McCoys for two closet rod holders. Steve installed them and ran an iron pole between them, screwing it into place. He also picked the huge roll of paper up and situated it for me, about 6-1/2 feet above the floor -- right over my plotter. As it so happens, my plotter has a 36 inch long slit in the top made specifically for cutting straight lines on large pieces of paper. (Are you feeling the Hallelujah course yet?)

Yep, all I had to do was pull down enough paper, run a razer knife through the channel and fold. I completed all 42 pieces in less than an hour -- a 3 hour job the old way.

Now, I just have to look at the paper hanging from my wall the rest of my life, because those screws are not coming out.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

And you thought he was going to be faithful?

But he won't cheat on me -- the battlecry of the desperate.

If I've heard the above once, I've heard it twenty times. From relatives, friends, co-workers, all of whom became involved with a married man, dated him through the end of his marriage, and moved in with him in his new single pad -- or he moved in with them.

Yes, it happens. A lot.

And each time the person is sitting across the table from me with a cup of coffee and an ernest expression on their face I have to fight not to say, "Are you freaking kidding me?"

Oh, I don't have any experience personally in this area; thank God -- something bad I've never done! LOL

But it is simple common sense; if someone will cheat on their spouse with you, they are going to cheat with someone else when they are living with you.

Then, the other morning, confirmation! On the radio station we were watching (and how odd is that, the fact you can watch a radio channel on your TV now?) they did a section call Fact or BullFact. They had statistics proving that 80% of marriages that started with affairs ended up in divorce.

I'm not much of a gambler, but those are not odds I'd want to play.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I'm going to be a Grandmother

I found out tonight that by July of 2010 I will be a Grandmother. I can't say I was shocked, I have two daughters over the age of 20 that have both been in steady relationships for a while.

But the roller coaster of emotions was unexpected.

When Bonnet first told me, over the phone, I was like, "That's nice dear, would you pass the peas?" Okay, not really, but that is what it felt like. I wasn't excited, happy, sad, upset. It was like she had the flu, or I was adding something to my shopping list -- i'm going to be a grandmother, check.

After I got off the phone with her I stated picturing a baby that was part my Bonnet. Remembering Bonnet as a baby. Thinking of having another chance to love and hold, protect, a baby Bonnet. Then I got excited. I HAD to tell everyone. I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER.

About an hour later, it hit. Realization. She lives in CO. Other than a brief week she will be in TX next month, I probably will not get to see her during her entire pregnancy. I'll probably miss the birth. Even if I can go up and stay a week when the baby comes, I know what will happen. I am going to love it to death and it is going to kill me to leave. I won't be there for it's first smile, step, word. I won't get to see it every day, or once a week, or every month. When I do see the baby, it won't even know who I am. So I cried, and cried, and cried. And still cry.

I'm going to be a Grandmother.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Gaming Inpact Real Life?

I've never been big into playing games. When most people of my generation were really getting into Atari (Yeah, laugh it up.) I was getting married and having kids. I lived in a small town so there wasn't much outside influence to introduce us to new technologies.

By the time Nintendo started getting big, my girls were overwhelmed with school and after-school activities and just never got into the game craze. It didn't hurt that the mere thought of spending hundreds of dollars for a game system freaks me out.

Before Will, Steve got into computer games for a year or two. But most of them were driving or killing. Didn't reallly interst me. He and the girls had a brief affair with SIMs and some sort of Zoo building game. The concept of those I found more interesting, but I spent so much time on the computer at work the last thing I wanted to do to relax was play on the computer.

Recently, I found myself playing FarmTown and Farmville. And I'm addicted. It's not just the attempt to manage the farm to produce and grow as fast as possible. I love the interaction of your friends and relatives. I love how in FarmTown, when I'm bored, I can go work on total strangers farms and make money. For my type of personality, where I need to be doing something constantly, it's nervanna.

So, today I was driving to a shopping center and I turned down the entrance lane. On either side of the road there are rows of closely planted trees -- just as they appear on many farms. And I kid you not, my fingers started tapping the steering wheel like I was harvesting them. I think I even visulized little fake fruit in them.

Yeah, my first thought was, "What a lame human you are." But the more I thought about it, the more unnevered I became. If playing a farming game for 1-2 hours a day for a week or so will make me start reacting to the site of rows of plants or trees (with an acutal physical response) . . . what does playing a killing game 3-4 hours a day for months on end do to one's automatic response?

Are there people out there in the shopping malls, parks, driving down the road that see something that makes their trigger finger jerk?

How scary is that?

Friday, November 6, 2009

What getting a tattoo REALLY feels like



So, I did it. I got my first tattoo at the grand old age of 43. While not huge, it is larger than most 'first' tattoos I've seen; about 3x3 inches.

No matter who you ask, everyone has different ways of describing the feeling of getting a tattoo. You hear of people who pass out, have to stop often for breathers, or can't even get it finished. Then you have those that say it's not painful at all -- no more so that sticking yourself with a pin.

Just to confuse you more, here is exactly how it felt to me -- and my memory is less than 4 hours old.

The outline, which is what was done first. Feels like about 16 individual needles so small and close to each other they are less than pencil lead thick. But, and it's a big one, it doesn't feel like they are poking you at all. What it feels like is that the group of needles is stuck into your flesh and then dragged 1/16th of an inch. Then it is reset, right next to the last gouge and dragged again. It feels very much like a small plow digging trenches into your skin.

Filling in the tattoo was slightly different. Instead of a round bundle of needles there is a double row of them, more like a rake times two. Because of the lack of density, the pain is different. However, the strokes were longer.

Good news? Yeah, there is some. First, if the tattoo is not going over nerves or bone, it's a lot less painful. Yeah, I heard that a head of time, but truly did not appreciate it until about five minutes under the gun. Since my ink was put on my neck; I had a lot of tender and painful places. But when the design wasn't on bone or nerves, it was like a picnic -- in comparison. First timer worried about pain? AVOID BONES.

Also, it was livable. Sort of like getting a paper cut. Well, three or four hundred of them in a 3x3 inch space over a period of an hour and a half.

Will I ever get another one? Maybe.

Why must my house stink?

I got a little behind on housework during the week I was making costumes. No biggie. But this week I've been trying to catch up.

I changed the dogs beds and cleaned up around their area in preparation for moping the following day. I also scrubbed the kitchen, sanitized the garbage disposal, and aired out the house.

THEN Steve comes homes and washes both dogs. While it is true they will smell better in the long run, wet dog is not a plesant smell.

THEN the following morning we awake to the fact our Border Collie had the runs in the middle of the night, all over the living room floor. Steve, love that he is, cleans it up.

BUT while doing so, managed to step in poo in the yard and walk it thorugh the entire house. True, I was going to mop anyway, but now I have to change out my bucket three times to make sure it's all sanitized properly. Hours later, the house smells wounderful. Floors shine, pillows and chairs have been freebrezed, windows opened and house aired.

THEN half an hour later Will does a big job and I don't know how, but the stink managed to affect over half my house; and it hung around for hours. The damn window was open in his bathroom, how he managed to poloute half my house I'll never know. A few hours of peace and non stink.

THEN Will throughs up on his bed. While taking him to Steve to watch as I clean up his room, he vomits all over the living room. Steve takes him to the bathroom, where he spits up on the floor. I'm changing bedding and getting fresh mop water. But I still have a pile of stinkly laundry. This morning everything seems okay; I'm working on orders, the guys are gone.

THEN the whiff of poo slithers into the office. Winkels not only pooed right next to the room I was in, but by the front door as well. I spank her butt and put her outside, and run some more mop water.

The really sad thing, is that all of this happened in about 36 hours.

I know, when the dogs are dead and Will is gone, I'm going to miss them. Yeah, I will. But I can guaran-damn-t you that I'll never once miss the smells they leave behind. LOL

Monday, November 2, 2009

Poking my Neck

So, Friday is the big day. At 2:00 I have an appointment to get my first tattoo. I love the design, and I was very picky about the location. I'm using Tori's tattoo guy, so I feel secure in his ability and cleanliness.

But . . .

Every time I mention where I'm getting my tattoo people freak out. Yes, I'm getting it on the back of my neck, known to be one of the most painful places to get a tattoo.

At lunch with Tori yesterday, I mentioned that Bonnet told me to make sure I eat well before going. Apparently, Bonnet passed out when having her tattoo colored in a few years back. "Yeah," Tori says, "but Bonnet . . . " Later, she confesses the ending would have been, "Has her tattoo in one of the worst places."

So, last night I pulled out a sewing needle and jabbed it into the back of my neck repeatedly in the general area the tattoo will go. I tried a little needle. I tried a big needle. Yeah, it hurt, like some idiot was sticking a needle in my neck. But it wasn't horrible. And yes, I do realize that when that same needle is poked in hundreds of times in close proximity, it will hurt worse.

But I'm not so worried today.

FarmVille, FarmTown, and YoVille

I've been a member of Facebook for several months. I joined only because friends of mine kept asking me to -- yes, I have friends.

Since I joined, I am continually bombarded with notices, prizes, and requests to join different Facbook offered games; mainly FarmVille, FarmTown, and YoVille.

One day last week, I had a spare hour and found myself sitting at the computer, so I logged into FarmVille and began to mess around. When Will got home from school, I showed it to him and he wanted his own town. We started him a farm in FarmTown. We are both hooked.

It is so much fun. There is so much to do. And the challenge of making money, timing your crops for your free time, and helping our your neighbors is a blast. Will just likes the animals -- so if you are a FarmTown friend, send poor Will some animals. LOL

Having so misjudged how much I would enjoy the games, I went ahead and set me up a pad in YoVille. I've given it nearly a week, and I just don't enjoy it.

Basically, you can change your clothes, decorate your apartment, or go see your friends places. When you go to your friends places you can kiss them, throw a water balloon at them, dance, sent them a note, or give them a gift -- which you have to buy or give them something you own. Money is hard to come by for the newbie too.

I enjoyed getting gifts, but the rest felt 'fake'. I couldn't show up and rearrange any one's furniture, still their clothes, or hitch a ride to the park. To be honest, there just didn't seem that much to do. I found myself sitting in the casino playing the penny slots out of boredom and I had to ask, "What the hell are you doing playing a game that bores you?" So I quit.

I gave away all my belongs to my friends and logged off.

My final conclusion was that I am unable to remain inactive, even in a game. Besides, it really freaked me out to start and end each session alone sitting on my couch in a sparing decorated and lonely apartment. If I wanted to see that, I'd get a mirror.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Contest Results Are In

If you remember, in June of this year I entered the first chapter of my book, Wolf Cub, in a writers contest and scored a high D. I was pretty excited about it. But by the time the actual judging took place I had already rewrote the chapter to the point the one I submitted was hardly recognizable.

I entered my new version in a second contest in September and recieved the results today. Out of a possible 100, I received 89 from one judge and 91 from the second judge. The finalist cut off was an average of 192. The average grade for the sumissions was 172. I'm pretty damn sure I can consider that an "A".

You could score a possible 5 in 20 categories. One judge only assigned me 4s and 5s. I had two 3s by the other judge.

I received the following comments from the judges:

Great opening scene and exciting plot.

Characters are strong and intriguing.

There was a tiny bit of showing instead of telling. This could be incorporated into dialogue. A very compelling read. I’d love to read the entire manuscript. Great work!

All in all, I'm pleased. The contest coordinator said they had the largest turn out they have ever had and it probably adversily affected our chances of placing.

I've made changes since submitting the chapter, and I will make more based upon feedback from the judges. Now I just need to find me another contest to enter.