How to Clear an Isle at the Store

I seldom get an opportunity to sneak off to a book store alone. When I do, I like to pursue each shelf on every row in the genres I'm interested in. I also like my space. I hate it when there are multiple people trying to look over books in the same isle.

I really hate it when you are standing looking at a book and someone will walk up and decide they have to stand RIGHT WHERE you are. There will be an entire freaking isle and every time you bend over to pick out a book you bump into strange ass. Yikes!

Tuesday morning -- and for the non addicted reader, that is release day for new books -- I was at my favorite book store. There weren't six people in the entire store, including associates. It was quite. I had the isle, hell the department, to myself.

Just as I squatted down to look on the bottom shelf I was surprised by a long, loud extrusion of air. Yep, a fart. The loudest, longest fart I believe I have ever passed in my life. Steve would be so proud.

I'm pretty sure it could be heard at the checkout stand, but that wouldn't have bothered me. How would anyone know I did it? Really.

Well, except for the fact that just as I started to squat I caught a glimpse of a person coming around the corner I was less than 4 feet from. They took one step my direction, were no doubt serenaded by my gastorial rendition of an elk mating call, and immediately turned and walked away.

I was torn between laughter and major embarrassment, but decided to simply store the experience away for further use. Should I ever NEED to clear an isle, I now have the knowledge of how to accomplish it.