Everyone in my family has always been HUGE in being hung up on people's death anniversary; for 10-15 years after the deceased has passed away. In some instance, you can hardly stand to go around them the entire month.
The people we have lost have been just as related to me as to them; cousins, uncles, grandparents. I was even torn up by the passing of my step-father, thought I have no doubt his actual children were more so . . . that one I'll give them.
However, year after year I have not felt the need to commensurate their death.
This month has me worried. This is the month my sister committed suicide last year. And not to sound selfish, but it's taken me nearly an entire year to start living again. Based upon my past lack of interest in mourning the departed, I didn't expect an issue.
Maybe I should have.
The first day of October was when it hit me. I realized it was close, the anniversary of Becky's death. Memories started playing in my subconscious. Not bad memories, just painful now that she's not around. I got the shakes and started crying. Today is the end of the 4th day of this month and as I write this my eyes are filled with tears again. I messed up my medication for the first time in months the other day. I'm having trouble getting to sleep.
Knowing how badly I needed a break from life, my friend and I are planning one of our scrapbooking weekends for later this month. The third weekend of the month.
Do you want to know where I was the third weekend of the month last year? At a scrapbooking weekend with Charlene, screaming in agony as Steve told me over the phone about Becky's suicide.
I've always been a person that believed in just yanking the bandaid off. Getting it over with.
Well, this should do it.
Assuming no other sibling decideds it's a nice weekend to bite a bullet.
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OMG...I wish I had realized...but maybe this is Becky telling you to live life, have fun, and maybe we'll toast to her over dinner. I do have the chills, though.
ReplyDeleteTime to have the weekend you wanted in the first place. Filled with friendship, maybe a few tears,maybe a lot, but mostly friendship. Maybe I am being a bit hopeful, but I hope in a big way for you, that this time is for friendship.
ReplyDeleteI hope so. I definately see lots of alcohol for us that weekend. :)
ReplyDeleteBut I think it will be good for both of us, in the long run. It had to be tramatic for Charlene as well.
It's just odd that without any forethought, we planned the exact same trip on the same weekend. Thank God it's a different day or I would be freaking out.