Conversations with Will

These are snippets of conversation I had with my 4-year old son today.

After he had tied a chalk line around his monkey bars twice, wrapped it around a 6-foot standing ladder, and then tied it to his trampoline.

"I need help, please," he asked.
"No sir. You made the mess, you clean it up."
"No. I am the mess maker. You are the cleaner upper."


While the two of us laid on the hammock. He was holding a half-eaten banana out in front of him like a torch and attempting to tuck his other arm underneath himself.

"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to hide my arm so the bugs don't see it."
"What bugs," I asked nervously.
"The bugs that want to come eat my banana."
"Is this another trap?"
"A bug trap. The bugs will not see my hand and they will come eat banana. Then I will do this."

At which point he pulled his hidden hand out and whacked his banana so hard it fell out of the peeling and into his lap.


As we are leaving a gymnasium he loves.

"I want some water," he demanded as we're preparing to leave.
"You just finished a box of juice. Please put on your shoes and lets go."
"I'm thirsty, i want some water."
"Will, we are going to get lunch. Please put on your shoes so we can go."
"I don't want lunch. I want water."
"I will get you water. Put on your shoes, please."
"I want water now." He tries to help himself to a $2 bottle of water.
"No. I think I have some water in the car."

Shoes on and we make it to the car.

"Where's the water?"
"Sorry. I don't see any."
"I want water."
"I know, and as soon as we get to McDs you can have some."
"I don't want to go to McDs. I want water."
"We will be there in two minutes."
"I don't want to go there. I want water."
"They have water, Will. As soon as we get there, I'll get you some lunch and a drink."
"I don't want lunch. I want water."
"I said 'and a drink'."
"I don't want a drink. I want water."

We arrive at McDs and I help him from the car.

"I want water."
"I know."

Inside the front door.

"Where's the water?"
"We have to get a cup from the lady behind the counter."
"I want water."
"I know. But we need to wait our turn. What do you want for lunch?"
"I want water."

After we place our order and ask for a cup for water.

"Where's the water?"
"She's getting us a cup."
"Where is she?"
"Getting you a cup for your water."
"Is this the cup for water?"
"No, that is a cup for my soda."
"Do you want water?"
"No."


It's a wonder any parents end up even reasonably sane after raising children.