A little "Ho"

I didn't start celebrating any holidays or birthday until I was 23. Prior to that, nothing. No birthday celebration, Christmas. No hunting Easter eggs or going trick-or-treating. Nada. Zip. The big "O".

So when I did start celebrating I had over 20 years, and a child's heart, full of holidays to make up for. Not only was I celebrating holidays for the first time, I was learning about them, and teaching my children how to celebrate them. It was HUGE. Every thing you could celebrate I did to the extreme. I home made very Halloween costume, decorated the house and YARD just shy of North Pole ornamentation, hid hundreds of eggs, etc.

When Steve and I got together, I was still going strong. Yet as the 30s passed me by, I sort of lost my enthusiasm for holidays. Each year I found myself doing less and less. Skipping those small holidays. Ignoring people that didn't live close to me for the Holiday.

One year, I sent out over 13 individually picked Mothers-Day cards; to ex-mother in-laws, grandmothers, mother, sisters, elderly friends, in-laws, etc. I haven't sent a single Mothers Day card out in years.

By the time the girls were six or so, they were my compatriots in crime when it came to holidays. Just as crazy as I'd ever been. We decorated the house together, made ornaments together, baked holiday cookies and handed out to the neighbors.

But as they left home, so did some of my enthusiasm. Looking back, it may have started to wane before that. But they drug me along and my love for them made me enthusiastic about spending time with them.

With a toddler, raising any enthusiasm for a holiday became harder. With depression it nearly ceased to exist. With the death of my sister it became impossible.

Last Christmas, left on my own, I would not have put up a tree. Not bought a present -- okay, maybe one for Will. Steve came through and drug the stuff from the attic, pulled out the tree, and preceded to piss me off by doing everything wrong. So I had to get off my ass and fix it.

This year, I've been so-so about it. I pulled down the tree and put half of it up; shoved it against a wall. Half the ornaments. Half the room decoration. I haven't even mentioned to Will that the outside lights are still up and all we have to do is plug them up. They've been up for 7 years or so and are more pinkish/white than red, and quite a few are burned out. They would still tickle him, but I just don't want to mess with them.

But the other day, when Will had me decorating the tree, I was revisited by holidays of the past. We lit candles, loaded the CD with Christmas music, danced around as we put up ornaments and hung stockings. I was surprised.

Yep, there is still a little holiday spirit left in me after all.

Not an entire Ho, Ho, Ho; just a ho.