Oktoberbreast

Some of you may be aware that I've been working for an online costume shop the last few months. I find the job diverse in responsibilities and highly entertaining . . . . never more so, than today.

I was unpacking a new shipment of costumes when I stumbled across Mr. Oktoberbreast shown above. After verifying what we received, we go ahead and package each costume in a shipping bag with a custom label at the top telling what it is. If a costume has something that can be damaged easily during shipment, then we have to measure it for a box.

So I pull out the first Mr. Oktoberbreast - I can't stop saying that, and start laughing. The dress and wig are folded neatly in a bag like most of the costumes I've unpacked. The shocker is the 'breast' part of the costume. Maybe you'll understand better if I show you a different photo.



Right on top of my package are these huge, very hard, fake breasts that are a pretty realistic color. They also have huge nipple-colored nozzles from which beer flows. After I get over the shock, and amusement - wondering what kind of man would wear a costume like this, I realize the package might need to ship in a box.

I push down on the breasts and they are very hard. Worried about the spigots, I try to turn them. I bend them. I pull on them. This is about where my sick sense of humor strikes and I just break out in belly laughs.

My boss, who is a woman about four years younger than I am, asks what's up. So I wipe my eyes and hold up a costume so she can see the issue. I ask if she thinks I'll need a box.

"Are the breasts hard?"

When I catch my breath, I answer in the positive. Then lay the costume, boobs facing up, on a box so she can reach it. She walks over and grabs both boobs at the same time and squeezes them. Then she tries to turn the spigots. Bends them. Pulls on them. By this time, I'm laughing so hard the other workers are gathering around to see what is going on. Oddly, they found it pretty hilarious too.

"I don't know," my boss finally replied.
"You'll have to ask Ed."

Ed is her husband and the shipping guru. So I trek out of the building and into the warehouse carrying Mr. Oktoberbreast - but not touching him inappropriately. I ask Ed about the need for a box. He takes the costume and lays it on the table. Then he squeezes the boobs - both at the same time, and boy he has big hands. Then he tries to turn the spigots. Bends them. Pulls on them.

The outcome? I had to tape two layers of bubble wrap over each nipple of every Mr. Oktoberbreast costume. What can I say, at some point, every girl needs a little extra support.