Serotonin See-Saw

I've known since childhood that my family line suffers from low serotonin production. My grandmother, mother, aunts, most everyone in the family tree suffered from major depression resulting from cumulative years of low serotonin.

I made it through my 20s and 30s without thinking about it much. Every seven to ten years I would become depressed enough to require medications. But after taking pills for a short period I was able to drop them again. Unknowingly, this was due largely to my very active life style.

Until my 40s, I was always active; walking, running, biking. I was outside all the time too; fishing, playing with the kids, sun bathing. As it turns out, exercise and exposure to the sun both increase your serotonin levels naturally.

Thanks to my active lifestyle, I was also able to maintain a healthy weight. This helped because I required less serotonin that way.

So, I hit my forties. Gained tons of weight, never go outside, and quit exercising. I've gone in twice in the last two years for anti-depressants and both times taken myself off after the crises passed. But I never got back to "me". Never fully recovered.

I've finally reached the point where my body requires the constant addition of serotonin to function properly. With some encouragement from family I visited a doctor to establish a maintenance program. He gave me a 100 mg tablet which breaks into half easily. His thought was that most people end up on 50-100 mg; so I could try one and then the other if need be.

I started out trying 50 mg and the first two days were great. The third and fourth not so much. So I upped to 100 mg for the next three days and they were worse. By the last one, I couldn't even make it out of bed. I didn't feel bad; I was sleepy and just wanted to lay around. Then I decided that maybe I was OVERDOSED. So I cut back to 50 mg and the first day was WONDERFUL!

Today was my second day at 50 mg and it was a great morning, but by two this afternoon I felt just as bad as I did on day three of 100 mg. It took almost five hours to recover. Then it dawns on me, this morning I went to the gym for an hour and a half and then took Will to the outside pool for half an hour -- raising my natural serotonin level up. Combined with my medication, I overdosed again.

I think I will stay at 50 mg for a few days and see if it happens again. If so, I might try cutting them in quarters in trying 25 mg.

If I had insurance, there are tests that can be run to measure your levels so guess work is not needed. But I don't have insurance. So I get to play see saw with my medication in the hopes of figuring out the best plan.

I'm just flirting with depression, I can't help but wonder what non-insurance covered people with heart problems or high-blood pressure are see-sawing with.