The Cost of Sleep

I was thrilled during my pregnancy to stumble upon a cradle swing at a garage sale for only $15. It was an older model, probably one of the first to come out. But it worked and that was all the mattered. The cheapest I'd been able to find a second hand one was about $60 on craigslist and I couldn't afford that type of expense for something I wasn't sure we'd use.

When I got it home and cleaned up, I was a little dismayed to find out it took four size D batteries (which cost about $8). I did search, and there was no option to connect to an outlet - which all the newer models have.

The first set of batteries lasted about a month after Linden's birth. In part, this was due to the fact that Linden seldom stayed in his swing the first three weeks. It was around the one month mark that his allergies started to develop and sleeping flat on a mattress was no longer an option. He quickly adapted to sleeping in the swing which is a more upright position. All his naps, and nights, are spent sleeping in a gently moving swing.

Unfortunately, as Linden's weight has increased the life of batteries in his swing has decreased. The first set lasted about a month. The next set about three weeks. Then two. When I had to start buying them every week I began to get concerned. Now we're down to every four days.

Eight dollars every four days.

Two dollars a day.

That's the cost of sleep in our house.

... and not the dark one.

I took Will to a jumpy house today for a few hours. I picked one that has a concession area. That way Linden and I can sit comfortably at a table while Will plays. As I sit down, I couldn't help but notice the family next to me had a baby just about Linden's size.

Within a few minutes, the mom asked how old Linden was, and I told her he was 3 months old. Her daughter was 9. (Which shouldn't have surprised me as Linden was wearing a 9 months, and they were damn near the same size.)

She was very easy to talk to, and very outgoing. Before long we shared the facts that our babies were both the fourth born of our children. While she was amazed to find out I had grown children, I was amazed to find out her's were 6, 4, 2, and 9 months. YIKES!

We discussed staying at home as moms and breastfeeding. And that was when it got weird.

"I don't consider myself a zealot, or anything," she said.

That's never a good way to start a conversation.

"But I do believe in God and a good force that works in his ways."

Okay, I can understand that.

"And I believe an opposite force is at work too. An evil force."

Weirdly worded, but most people who believe in God believe in the Devil as well.

"I believe this evil force is working against us to destroy the family.
I mean, think of how the stay-at-home mom or
breast-feeding mom is persecuted.
Looked down on.
They treat us like we have no value."

And she lost me.

It's not that I don't see, hear, and live the prejudice she was talking about every day. I do. In our current society, living in a metro area, we are in the minority. I know of several moms on my street, and I'm the only one that stays at home. I know of two women with babies about Lindens age in my neighborhood, and I'm the only one still nursing.

But I don't think it's an evil force.

Steve and I talked about it this evening and he thinks our society is more focused on finances and moving-up than on family. Which I can agree with to a point.

I think the base issue is two-fold.

1.) The down fall of the family unit within America. And oddly, I think that started way back when it become easier for family members to move further away from each other. Children are seldom raised with nearby family members; aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. It used to take a village to raise a child, now it takes a nanny or daycare.

2.) We are becoming less social each generation. As a whole, we no longer go out and mingle with our neighbors. We don't stop in grocery stores and chat with strangers over lettuce selections. We don't know the names of our UPS driver, mailman, or the fireman that lives down the road. We are more involved in jobs that separate us from each other. Spend more free time online or gaming. We date online. We socialize online. We are slowly creating a society that values distancing themselves from mundane life; like raising their own children. (Shouldn't there be a program for that?)

Oh well, that's my deep thought for the day. Brought to you by the weird mom I sat next too. All I can say is, "May the force be with you ... and not the dark one."

First Date

Sixteen years ago tonight, Steve and I had our first date. He picked me up in a grey/maroon truck and took me to a Chinese restaurant.

I remember exactly what I wore (and how long it took me to pick it out).

I don't remember what I ate, but I remember much of the conversation. We haven't eaten in a Chinese restaurant since that the conversation doesn't come back to me.

I remember the ride home. Hard is it is to believe, it was very cold and we had to wait for the truck to warm up so we could defrost the windows.

I remember feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world, at least to Steve.

I also remember the butterflies in my stomach - afraid I'd say the wrong thing, afraid I wouldn't.

Last night, I asked Steve if he ever expected, that night, that we'd be together sixteen years later and he said no. He didn't expect there to be a second date.

But I knew. (I just didn't expect Will and Linden to show up along the way.)

Tonight was spent bathing and bouncing a fussy baby, helping Will with homework, fixing and eating dinner. By the time seven came around, the entire family was worn out and on the way to bed. I got a hug and kiss as I headed to the nursery with Linden. Some might not have considered it a fitting celebration, but it was exactly right for us.